Recession Momma!

I had the luxury of spending this past Saturday enjoying all there is to offer in New York City and as we all know, there is a lot! I was having a great time with my husband and two girls and began thinking of how easy it is for a budget conscious momma to have a great time in the city!
We started our day at the Museum of Natural History because after Sophia saw an episode of Full House (Yup! They still give that show!) she wanted to see the dinosaurs just like little Michelle did on her school trip. I know that not many people know that The Metropolitan and the Museum of Natural History have "suggested prices", which means, they will really take anything you want to give them as a donation for the museum. We got to the museum about an hour prior to closing and while I was pretty pissed about that at first, it was actually the PERFECT time. The museum wasn't packed and best of all, all the gift shops and restaurants were already closed! I'm just sayin' the last time I went to the museum, I ended up spending a pretty penny on books, dinosaur figurines and other random stuff that has ended up in my basement.
For lunch we just decided to have pizza... It was quick... It was easy... It was very NY! Sophia is pretty much OBSESSED with the movie Enchanted so I thought it would be fun to show her the places that Princess Giselle visits on her trip to Central Park... Again, free and fun! There were musicians in the park, she got to see a roller blading competition and sang on a stage... Of course, no trip to Central Park is complete without a $4 bar of ice cream so if you are on a budget steer clear of those green carts! LOL!
After our walk in the park, we had dinner at Carmines, a family style Italian restaurant. No, it wasn't a thrifty thing to do but it was worth it! I didn't say you couldn't splurge :)
Since I know my blog is read by people all over, I decided to add a website that I visit when I want to find something free to do in my area. It is, http://www.gocitykids.com/ , you can visit this site and check your area. You'd be surprised at how many great things they have for children!

Enjoy!

Girls Night Out!

I had the great pleasure to hang out with some great friends of mine last week! Thank you all for giving me an excuse to use a REAL handbag and not a diaper bag... For giving me an excuse to wear skinny jeans and not have to worry about bending over and showing the world my crack... For giving me the chance to wear a necklace or bracelet that my daughters will not break... For inviting me to a fun party, even though you knew I couldn't go, who cares! You made me feel cool for about 5 minutes and it's nice to feel cool sometimes... For not acting surprised at the fact that even though my daughters were far away, I had managed to pull a pacifier out of my jean pocket... For taking the time out to ask me how I am doing and if anything "life changing" had happened in my life because you know I do not share my personal life unless you ask me too. For being the one who ordered a french fries appetizer so that wouldn't feel guilty ;)! For giving me the opportunity to apply lip gloss on without having to apply it to two other people and finally for always being my very amazing friends...

THANK YOU!

What the eff?!?!

So my husband came home and saw me still in my pj's (I never do that) and he asked me if I was feeling okay... No, Sir Husband I have just been running after two walking and running children all day! WHAT THE EFF?!

Can someone please tell me why my daughters could be entertained all day and not watch television even though I have the cartoons on but the moment that I want to finally watch something, they want me to put the channel back on... YOU WEREN'T WATCHING YOU GREEDY SCOUNDRELS!

Why on earth do people ask me if my daughters are twins? Seriously? One is bald, the other has a full head of hair... One is a year old, the other is two... One has a full mouth of teeth, the other has two teeth... WHAT THE EFF?!?! THEY'RE NOT FREAKING TWINS!

If someone says this one more time, "Oh my God! One after the other! How did you do it?!" I'm just going to say well, it was pretty easy actually, I was on top!! WHAT THE EFF?!?! Mind your business!!

Why is it that Sophia wants to be potty trained whenever the hell she wants? It's like she'll be potty trained for one full week, then decide to freaking piss on the floor through her Cinderella undies... Then she gets pissed at me when I don't get her a tissue fast enough... WHAT THE EFF?!?! Use the freaking toilet you lazy child!

Why do my daughters INSIST on making me go through super awkward moments in restaurants by STARING at other people and trying to start conversations with them... ESPECIALLY when the other party is NOT very friendly... What the eff?! Who is mean to a cute child with a huge bow in her head? I'm going to have to teach her how to flip a bird pretty soon!

If I am out past 8PM with my kids at a restaurant in the city... DO NOT! I repeat... DO NOT tell me that it is past their bedtime unless you want me to tell you that you are right and that I shouldn't have my daughters out because then they will see women in inappropriate attire :P What the eff?!?!

AND FINALLY!!! MY husbands what the eff moment of the day!! This one is FUNNY! LOL! Why is it that every time I change Penelope's diaper, she poops right afterwards like today when I changed her diaper because she had pooped and I put her down on the floor naked and told her to walk towards the bathroom... Then she looked at me as if she KNEW! She pooped right in front of the bathroom and called me over as she waited at the door... Then, my entire bare foot went into the set up that my daughter had prepared for me... WHAT THE EFF?!?!?!?!

The perfect shot...

So, I was facebooking (I totally just made that word up!) and looking through my friend's beautiful pictures of her family under cherry blossom trees and my other friend commented on why my friend, the mom wasn't in any. Well, I quickly learned after having Sophia that the family has a designated photographer... Growing up for me the photographer was my father but that is just because it really was his passion. In my family, it happens to be me... Why? Well, Luis will shoot a picture and capture the beauty of my double chin because love is truly blind and he will see absolutely nothing wrong with the hideous picture he took of me and my girls... On the other hand, I will shoot some pretty sweet pictures of him and my girls... I'm pretty sure that since I have almost NO preggers pics because I hated myself so much and hardly ANY with them growing up that my girls will most likely question if I am their mother or not... No biggy as Julie would say! At least I can have some comfort in knowing that when they are older they will be able to look through many albums at numerous perfect shots.

Boys will be Boys...

What a day! My brother needed some help today... He asked me to watch his son, my nephew for about 2 hours while he took an exam. Sure! Why not? I'm here to help! My nephew arrived and ran into my house and began playing in the mini nursery that I have set up in my home... As soon as he realized that he was left alone with me and the girls, he went INSANE! I didn't know what to do at first because I was just emotionally and mentally preparing myself to change a penis diaper all morning! Wash rag, CHECK! Hand coordination, CHECK! I had not prepared for a serious tantrum from a one year old! I picked up my nephew from the floor after he slammed himself on it and was just waiting for his head to spin in circles! He tried to bite me, punched me in the face and after I had a severe pain on my nose he arched his back kicked my VJJ and threw himself on the floor once again... Okay... GREAT! I had no idea what to do and called my mother who watches him most of the time and asked her what the eff I was supposed to do with this Omen child! She laughed at me and said she had no idea! Thanks mom! Five kids and you have no idea!
My daughter Penelope then asked her bruised mother if I could put on Mickey Mouse... GREAT! Mickey Mouse it is... Well, she saved my life! Right then and there, the Omen, my nephew was exorcised! PHEW! I decided to check my e-mail while sitting RIGHT next to them and in a few minutes a Barbie was decapitated, there was a clump of Sophia's hair on the floor and Penelope's finger was almost bitten off... HOLY SHIT! The Omen was back so I began to pray! Not kidding! Let's just say that I began SERIOUSLY thinking of pulling out and burning all of my reproductive organs MYSELF! After a crazy day all I have to say is O... M... G...

I'm just sick...

I'm just sick and tired of dealing with the mothers who work outside the home putting down stay at home mothers... Sick! Especially because I have an awful cold, I lost my voice which means I can't yell at my children and have a throbbing headache which is being very disturbed by the high pitched voices of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Dora!
I think I can safely say who has it harder because I have straddled both sides of the fence. I have been a stay at home mother and have also worked outside of the home... Who has it easier? Mother's who work outside the home, BY FAR! Now, working outside the home does not make anyone any less of a mother because motherhood is a 24 hour job. BUT! There is a difference between working in and outside the home.
When you have the opportunity to leave and work outside the home you have just one title, whatever that title may be, you have one responsibility a lunch hour, sick days, vacation time and let's not forget PERSONAL DAYS. When working as a stay at home mother, you are the maid, the nanny, the butt wiper, the chef, the laundry lady, the receptionist that keeps up with everyone's appointments, the chauffeur, the pre-school teacher, the acrobat, the pediatrician, the hairstylist, the personal shopper, the vet, the therapist, etc.! There are no sick days. Your vacation days consist of standing on line for hours at Disney World with a child tugging at your shirt and the other asking "Are we there yet?". You can just forget personal days! You can't even have a personal bathroom moment! Lunch time is now, eat your child's leftovers time whlie standing over the sink because you do NOT want to have to clean crumbs off the floor for the 10th time! So! To my point when you get the BREAK to get out of your home and work outside of it, consider it just that a BREAK from the hardest and most unrecognized job ever which is being a Stay at home Mom :P

Happy Belated...

Mother's Day... Okay... So I have to make a confession here. For my first mother's day my husband who is usually very considerate of everything told me that I wasn't a real mother so there was no need to celebrate... Really honey? Tell that to the stretchmarks on my.. Well, I'd rather not finish that sentence... I think, nope, I know that since my very first mother's day was ruined, I have a warped and bitter feeling about the day... I hate it. I hate the commercial of the mother's getting appliances on M-day, I think if someone had the NERVE to give me a blender for any occasion but a bridal shower, I would most likely break it over their heads! What kind of sweet, thoughtful gift is a kitchen appliance?! I hate that there aren't any fun and sassy cards to celebrate the occasion and I especially hate it when people get offended that you didn't call/text/e-mail them on M-Day.... What the eff?! I've always only said Happy Mother's day to my mother and grandmother. Since meeting my husband I've extended my list to my mother in law because without her, I wouldn't have him in my life. Why do people get offended? I mean, shouldn't "Mother's Day" be every single day. I'm all for receiving praise every single day of the year for;
a)swelling up like a blimp for my entire first pregnancy
b)having to deal with people asking me how far along my pregnancy was 3 months AFTER I gave birth
c)STRETCHMARKS! (Need I say more?)
d)No alcohol for way too long
and e)Being pregnant for two whole years of my life
Whatever, I'm over it. So! To all my preggy friends and mom friends who I didn't call/text or e-mail and to all the women that sadly received appliances for mother's day... I'm sorry! Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Feel the burn!

Ladies and Gentlemen! I am back from hibernation! Thank you all for the e-mails asking me to blog! It meant tons. My dad recently fell pretty ill and was in the hospital for a little over a week. It was a scary time but he pulled through and we are all very VERY thankful for that.
I am extremely close to my father so I of course was in the hospital every single day... WITH TWO BABIES!! I experienced my first tantrum, for the first time in my life cursed pretty badly in front of my kids and also began looking into hiring a nanny to help me on my outdoor adventures. Why? Well, Sophia is officially a toddler and has entered her terrible two phase... NOT KIDDING! My sweet child is gone and has been replaced with a whining monster who now crosses her arms and stands in a corner SCREAMING when she's angry! WHAT THE EFF?! Maybe I should've just stood in Dallas far away from her!! :D
I'm not saying this because she is my daughter but Sophia has always been a pretty easy baby. VERY EASY! She's hit all her milestones ahead of time, always put herself to sleep and was sleeping through the night by the third night she was home. She's super fun to hang with so one day at the hospital when Penelope finally fell asleep and I knew I had about 15 minutes to leave the room, I made a coffee/snack run to the hospital cafeteria. I took Sophia with me because, well, why not? I grabbed my tray and proceeded to walk down the lunch line... "Yellow, ANANA!", Sophia said... "Yes, Sophia! That's a yellow banana! Do you want one?"...
Sophia, "YES!!"... "Okay!", I said. Then she saw hot dogs and wanted one of those, then she saw a PB&J sandwich and wanted one of those... Then when I finally got to the end of the line with a tray full of junk, I began pouring the very hot cup of coffee for my mother... "Sophia, hold onto mommy's pocket while I get grandma's coffee" Then, as I was putting the lid on the coffee there was a bite to my thigh and a little elf pulled down the tray of junk that I had just paid for! The coffee fell right on my crotch which made me just yell in horror, let's just say I totally know what "fire crotch" means now. Sophia then ran to a corner, crossed her arms and began screaming at the top of her lungs! I got the nasty looks from everyone and just grabbed my little screaming demon and went to the elevator... The whole time she was kicking and screaming and the whole time I was thinking of a mother I saw that murdered her child on the show, Women behind bars... When I first saw that show, I threw up and got so sick... How could she, I thought... Well! I GET IT!!! I totally get it! Just the thought makes me want to hurl but I can see where someone that is not all there mentally will snap one day. I still do not condone it but I get it... Kinda like the whole molested child sometimes molests other children when he/she is an adult... It isn't okay but I get it. When I got to the room my mother who loves to see me go through these rites of passage laughed at me... Then my demon seemed to have been exorcised and came up to me told me she loved me very much and gave me a huge hug... After that, she asked me if we could go back to the "Afeteria for a Anana"... How could I say no after that? Thankfully, the second time around, I did NOT feel the burn...